I have been feeling a bit down for a couple of days, I have been anticipating returning to work after nearly 15 moths off sick. It hasn't been that I am not grateful in these days but it seems to be hard to actually put something into words. So today I am simply saying that I am grateful for having a faith in spite of the fire that is , and has been, the world of cancer. I often wondered how strong my faith actually was, to be honest I always doubted that it would hold if I was really tested, I dreaded being the one found wanting!
My Dad died unexpectedly nearly 8 years a go. He was far too young to die and he suffered horribly at the end. However my Dad had a strong faith and in the wake of his death, his faith shone like a bright light to me and taught me that I could believe in a good God even when things go wrong. This I believe was such a great foundation that I could build on over this past year.
Singing words in church like 'you're a good, good father' has been hard sometimes, just yesterday I affirmed the truth in my head although I couldn't quite sing them out loud. And yet, yet ... He is a good Father and I believe that with my whole heart. In spite of the testing fire that I have gone through over the past year I still chose to say 'bless the Lord, oh my soul'. And for that today I am grateful. God has kept me, just as He promised. There are no guarantees, no offers of great wealth and perfect health on the table, but He will always be with me and my hope is in eternity. My prayer is always 'Let me be singing when the evening comes'.
